10 Signs you’re being manipulated by a narcissist
I want to tell you about one of my gorgeous girlfriends (GG). We go way back, but we hadn’t seen each other in ages. The two of us and another of my best buddies all had a lovely reunion not so long ago. Spending a day lying around a pool, basking in the gorgeous sunshine. We laughed for an hour taking selfies with a selfie stick for the first time. It was hilarious.
My GG was so excited to tell us about the guy she was in a new relationship with. He had swept her off her feet, the sex was passionate. She was glowing. But she also shared some concerns she had about him, particularly about his ex. But she dismissed them almost as soon as she mentioned them. Huge red flags flashed before my eyes, however. The more I listened, the more I worried about her.
I care so much about her. I had to tell her. I predicted what would happen in the next few weeks and months. That he was going to go hot and cold. He’d say one thing and do another. That he’d probably lie and string her along, whilst he did the same to his ex. I told her he would blame her for his behaviour and so on. I felt bad putting such a downer on her enthusiasm. But I know what abusive men look like now and felt I had to warn her.
I didn’t hear from GG in months and then she called. ‘How did you know?’ she asked. ‘Everything you predicted has happened’ she told me. ‘Because the signs were all there’ I said. ‘You just didn’t want to see them’. How did I know? Because I did the same. I ignored all the warning signs and became a victim of domestic violence. I nearly lost my life as well.
It turns out GG’s new man is a narcissist. What is a narcissist? Someone with an inflated sense of self and entitlement. Someone who feeds their fragile ego off others, by controlling them. Using Coercive control or emotional abuse. To the outside world they can be charming and successful. Or they’re behaviour can be extreme. Sometimes narcissists can be physically violent. But they lack empathy and never take responsibility for their actions.
I am so proud of GG because she didn’t put up with his emotional abuse for very long, but found the courage to leave fairly soon after. I know how hard that is to pull away from one. They are masters of manipulation whose modus operandi is to convince you they’re right, you’re wrong. Anything that’s gone wrong in the relationship is your fault. You’re to blame for their behaviour.
Sadly, though he couldn’t bear the fact he’d lost control over her. He’s stalked her ever since, even after marrying his ex. His behaviour is insidious and frightening for her. Sometimes he just leaves a sign to let her know that he has been watching her.
I advised GG to get a restraining order from the police, which she did. She is now getting the right support to help her. I hope to God he never hurts her, or any other woman for that matter.
It’s very difficult helping someone who is going through what my friend went through. I know, because it was hard for others to help me. I either didn’t listen, or I minimised what was happening. I went into denial and found it hard to accept the truth.
Admitting your in an abusive relationship is so difficult, especially when you love the person who is hurting you. The longer you are with a narcissist the harder it is to get away.
Having seen someone I love suffer abuse at the hands of a narcissist, I felt compelled to shoot a Facebook Live Video about it. It’s called:
You can watch it here:
Imagine no longer being manipulated by a narcissist. No longer feeling as though you are controlling the uncontrollable. Going from fearful victim to empowered survivor is possible.
Doors to my first Start with Me: Victim to Survivor online video course close Friday June 23th 11.59 PST.
Every journey begins with a single step. By choosing to enroll in this course, you declare TODAY as the day you start to take your power back.
Let me know if you’ve experienced any of these signs in the Comments below.
If you need professional help, advice or support please see Domestic Violence resources here (or contact the equivalent in your country).