Fear of change.

(Apologies, the first 20 seconds of this Facebook Live video is out of sync. It sorts itself after that)

How to overcome it if we fear change?

Fear of change can be scary.  It can cripple us and stop us from taking chances.   A fear of the unknown used to terrify me.

One year ago, for example, I decided to write this blog and tell my story.  Many of my friends and closest colleagues didn’t even know it.   That I was once a victim of domestic violence.

When I wrote a double page Feature article for the Daily Mail I felt like I was walking down the street naked.  I felt so exposed.

‘What will people think of me?’ I thought. I was really scared of that.

I was exposing my vulnerability.  Revealing I never thought I was good enough when I was young and was low in self-esteem.

But I spoke out and it’s now leading to exciting new doors opening up.  I’m Executive Producer on the Feature documentary 50 Shades of Silence, presented by the amazing former news anchor and Emmy-award winner Darieth Chisolm.

I’m interviewing the inspirational Rosie Batty soon.  She was the reason I decided to speak out now.  I wanted to add my voice to hers and give others hope there is life after abuse.

Lean into fear

Lean in to fear. That’s where the magic happens and where the greatest opportunities lie. Click To Tweet

Fear of change is nothing but a fear of fear itself.   All you have to do is stand firm and face that fear.  It will then go away.

The easiest way to do this is to understand we can’t control anyone else or anything around us.  All we have control over is ourselves.  Sounds simple, I know.  But, that was one of the most liberating concepts I’ve ever learnt.

If you have a fear change, let go

What this means is we can let go.   Take our hands off the wheel and stop trying to control others around us.  Or outcomes we have no control over anyway.

We have to put out trust in the universe, God, Allah, destiny or whatever it is that is greater than ourselves, that if we let go, things will fall into place if they’re meant to be.   As long as we are walking a straight and honest line that is true to ourselves.

One of my online video course students recently told me she is terrified of moving to New York to take up a new job.  ‘What if it’s the wrong decision?’ she said.  ‘What if they realise I’m not good enough’?

Firstly, I’d say: ‘What is your gut telling you?’  Our gut instincts can be our best guides.  If it’s says you should take the job, then go.

Secondly: ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’.  You can always hop on a plane and come home.

As for being afraid of the future, let go.  You can’t control what will happen, so stop trying.  You can’t control the outcome.

Let go and trust that if you do the best you can, work to the best of your ability in that job, then if it’s meant to be it will be.

If not, then that’s okay too.  For it may be the catalyst needed to open up another exciting new door.  One that would never have done so, had you not taken that step.

If all you can control is you and you let go of the rest, there’s nothing to be frightened of anymore.

You can’t control your destiny, so you might as well let it go and enjoy the ride.

When you stop obsessing over the unknown and stay still in the belief that if it’s meant to be it will be, you’ll start to see the signs.  The little miracles I call them. The ones you were so blinkered you couldn’t see.   It’s incredible when this happens.

A person who comes into your life and says what you need to hear, just at the right time.  An opportunity that arises, you might not have heeded before.

Even a person or experience, which is unpleasant, even painful, may lead to a lesson you can learn or be the mirror you needed, to teach you more about yourself.

The more you focus on you, staying true to yourself and behaving in ways aligned to your core values, beliefs and goals, the more you’ll attract others who are like you.

You’ll also be able to decipher who or what is not aligned to those core values, beliefs and goals and make a decision as to how you’ll respond to them.

We can’t control others, but we do have what I call, responsibility – the ability to respond how we choose to others or situations that happen to us.

There’s no need to fear the unknown.  We just need to stay true to ourselves.  Then, when others come into the equation or situations arise, we have the choice how we respond to them and make decisions based on that.  One at a time.

Use your gut instincts and allow your core values to be your guide.

The other way to lean into fear is to break it down.   If you’re terrified of the future, then – as you have no control over it – just take one day at a time.

If you’re frightened of running a marathon, the best place to start is just going for that first walk.  Then the next one.  Then a gentle jog.  Then your first run.  By breaking it down and taking it little by little, you’ll one day find yourself crossing that finishing line.

It’s the same with life.  If you’re terrified about moving to New York and taking that new job, then break it down.

Is there anything you can do about it today?  No.  Then let it be tomorrow’s worry.  Let it go.  What can you do today?

Start packing!

Is fear of change getting in your way?  Let me know in the comments below.

Are your relationships – past or present – good enough for you?  Do you deserve better?  Try my FREE QUIZ to find out!

Written by Vivian McGrath

Vivian McGrath is a TV Executive Producer who makes documentaries for major US, UK and Australian broadcasters.  She is also a survivor of domestic violence.  Her book ‘Unbeatable (How I Left a Violent Man)’ – her story of surviving abuse to finding success in love and life – will be published soon.  She hopes this blog will help others to become strong, fearless and successful too.  Find out more about Vivian Here.

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