Is my relationship good enough for me?

Is my relationship good enough for me?  How to tell?

Do you remember the first Bridget Jones movie?

There was that scene where Hugh Grant’s character, Daniel Cleaver and Colin Firth’s character, Mr Darcy have this massive punch up.

They’re fighting over Bridget Jones and punching each other.  They land in this Italian restaurant, end up in the cake, then smash through the window and fly out into the street.  Do you remember it?

Daniel loses the fight and in the end Bridget has to choose between the Bad Boy Cleaver and the Nice Guy Mr Darcy.  As so many of us often do, she chooses the Bad Boy, Daniel Cleaver.

Bridget holds him in her arms and as he comes around he says to her:

You, me, Bridge, we belong together.  You, me and your little skirt.

She has this lightbulb moment and replies:

I’m sorry, but that’s not a good enough offer for me.

I love that!  It’s a great way to look at relationships.

Is it a good enough offer for you?

I’m going to ask you: Is your relationship good enough for you?

Is my relationship good enough for me?

Do you deserve better?

The way you can tell is to ask yourself these questions:

  • Do you like them? I’m not saying do you love them.  Do you like them?

Do you really like them as a friend?

Do they share the same values as you.  Your core values, goals, beliefs and dreams?

If they don’t are they supportive of them and encourage you?

  • Is this relationship you’re in and how you are with your partner true to who you are? Is it bringing out the best in you and are you bringing out the best in them?

Are you living a life that is true to those core values and goals you have and believe in?

If not are you’re waiting and hoping for them to change, because they’re promising they will?

Are they telling you that any bad behaviour is ‘not really them’?

What if they never change?  Can you accept them for the way they are right now?

Just as Mr Darcy said to Bridget Jones:

I like you just the way you are.

Can you like them for who they are right now and not for who they might become one day in the future?  What if they never change?  What if who they are right now is the best you’re going to get?

The definition of unconditional love is loving someone for who they are, not for who they might become Click To Tweet

You need to ask yourself:

  • Is this good enough for me and for my wellbeing?

Is it bringing out the best in you and good for your wellbeing?

Are you bringing out the best in them too?  That’s what happens in a healthy relationship.

  • Will I look back on this relationship one day – say in thirty years’ time – with fond memories or with regret?

I know, if I stayed in the abusive relationship with my Ex – thirty years on I’d be looking back at my life with regret.

I’ve been together with my husband for 30 years now and he is the most wonderful man.

I like him just the way he is and I accept him as he is.

He brings out the best in me and I bring out the best in him.

I’m not waiting and hoping for him to change, because I love him for the way he is now.

I already look back with so many fond memories and absolutely no regret.

So, look at your relationship and ask yourself:

Is it good enough for me?

And like Bridget Jones did, really ask yourself:

‘Is this a good enough offer for me?’

If not, you deserve better!

Is your relationship good enough for you?  Let me know in the comments below.

Are your relationships – past or present – good enough for you?  Do you deserve better?  Try my FREE QUIZ to find out!

Written by Vivian McGrath

Vivian McGrath is a TV Executive Producer who makes documentaries for major US, UK and Australian broadcasters.  She is also a survivor of domestic violence.  Her book ‘Unbeatable (How I Left a Violent Man)’ – her story of surviving abuse to finding success in love and life – will be published soon.  She hopes this blog will help others to become strong, fearless and successful too.  Find out more about Vivian Here.

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