My Ex was a Bad Boy.  Like most of them, he was charismatic, swept me off my feet and hooked me in.  It was a whirlwind romance. It was intense.  I thought he was the Best Boy in the world for me.

He showed me warning signs of the Bad Boy early on.    But he blamed it all on being ‘down on his luck’; having had ‘a difficult past’.   Past girlfriends had ‘let him down’.    And I was blind.   I ignored them all.     That is because:

  • I felt sorry for him; I wanted to rescue him.
  • I wanted to be that girl that loved him more than anyone ever before.
  • I wanted to prove to him I wouldn’t let him down like others had in his past.
  • I wanted to be the one who made everything right for him again.

And that’s when they have you.   And when the full force of the Bad Boy (or Girl) comes out.  They become moody, they start to pick fights, usually over something ‘you’ve done’.    And down the track they may even give you a little push or a shove to test the waters over how far they can go.

My gut was screaming at me that this guy was not for me.  The warning signs were all there.   So why the hell did I ignore them and not run, like most other girls would have done?

That’s because something else kicks in and overrides the warning signs you know in your heart are there.   It’s a deep seated ‘need to be needed’.    It’s an insecurity in you that seeks someone to save, so you can feel special and worthwhile.

Don’t ignore the warning signs.  Bad boys (or Girls) can never be rescued unless they want to change themselves.   Get out before they suck you in further.  Bad boys (or Girls) are no good for you.   They can be dangerous and will definitely break your heart.

Work out where that insecurity comes from within you.  Work on building your self-esteem.   Go for the ones who aren’t needing to be rescued.   Not the ones you hope you can mold into the perfect partner.

Do you always go for the Bad Boys (or Girls)? Let me know in the Comments below.

If you need further help or counselling, please refer to the following (or the equivalent in your country):

1800Respect: 0800 737 732
Lifeline: 13 11 14

National Domestic Violence Helpline: 0808 2000 247
Paladin National Stalking Advocacy Service 020 3866 4107

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233


Are your relationships – past or present – good enough for you?  Do you deserve better?  Try my FREE QUIZ to find out!

Written by Vivian McGrath

Vivian McGrath is a TV Executive Producer who makes documentaries for major US, UK and Australian broadcasters.  She is also a survivor of domestic violence.  Her book ‘Unbeatable (How I Left a Violent Man)’ – her story of surviving abuse to finding success in love and life – will be published soon.  She hopes this blog will help others to become strong, fearless and successful too.  Find out more about Vivian Here.

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